What Autism Looks Like to Me
A Siblings Perspective
Wonderful. Sweet. Brilliant.
These are all things that describe Rose.
Rosalie is my little sister.
You know when you say things like 'her smile can light up a room' and the typical eye roll when you turn your head that follows, when it comes to this little girl her smile really can, and don't even get me started on her laugh.
Rose's relationship with me is different for a few key reasons: 1. We are 16 years apart, yeah 16. 2. I don't live with her. and 3. Rose has autism.
Anytime I try to explain my bond with Rose, I typically end up in tears, not from sadness but brought on by the amount of love I have for her. This little girl is everything and the overwhelming urge to protect her is strong.
I didn't really know what autism was before Rose, I've got 16 years on her and she is still teaching me so many more things, story of my life.
I began learning about behavioral ticks, behavioral therapy, speech therapy, comfort objects, sensory overloads, and so much more. The distance makes it hard to, that's with anything dealing in love, it draws you in, it doesn't push you out.
My life with Rose is snapchats from my Mom of her carrying my framed picture during therapy and the guilt of not being there that follows.
It's laying with her on her floor at bed time telling her 'it's okay and you're right there' while rubbing her back.
It's bath times where even the sound of water from the faucet is too much.
It's seeing her rock back and forth trying to calm herself with her hands on her ears.
It's watching your Mom cry because sometimes life is hard and when its someone you love its higher stakes involved.
It's your graduation night and she can't take the noise of the ceremony, so you look up and see her running from one end of the building to another. And pictures, yeah not gonna happen.
But it's also
A simple gesture of her grabbing your hand and leading you to what she needs.
It's you helping her lay out all her "treasures" at night.
It's wonderful cuddles.
It's you holding her while swaying to music and her breathing is calm and she's peaceful.
It's her love of trees.
It's her ability to capture your heart with her blue eyes and blonde curls.
It's learning not to judge the kid who's acting out at the restaurant or the store because you have no clue what they're going through. And don't for a second judge that parent.
It's chicken nuggets becoming their own food group.
It's a world you never lived in but you're settling in.
It's making things clear like in the beginning "Rose has autism." but Rose is not defined by that one term. No. She is defined by her giggles and her heart.
Most of all though it's love. A love so large and consuming you learn that there really are no bounds to love. You figure out that days will be hard, people will be ignorant and say things they shouldn't, looks may be cast, but your heart will always, always be filled with love.
Rose has taught me more about living and loving than I ever could have imagined.
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