Am I Really Ready to College?
Audio Version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmDpehjCqa4
Life is about to change. In a month you will start creating your packing lists, deciding what you want to take with you and what to leave behind. You will plan your last meet up with friends before heading off in different directions, towards different dreams, while filling the air with promises of seeing one another soon.
I. Am. Terrified.
The unknown is dark and vast and I've never been one that's good at change.
We've all made the jokes about the adulting process that is about to begin but now the fun is over and we are signing our loans, picking out dorm stuff, and trying to remain present in the now.
I had a Skype interview this morning about a leadership program at my college. I sat there staring at the group before me, trying to show how ready and capable I am for the next few years. I shared my goals, strengths, personal antidotes and if I'm being honest I was kind of afraid that they'd see the fear that also sits next to those things. How unready I feel, how my accomplishments on paper don't really make me feel ready to do this whole life thing.
I want to achieve monumental things in this life and the thought of not is frightening. I question every choice I'm about to make, I question if I am making the right choice. Is my major what I should be doing? Is that loan going to be the end of me? Will I fail as soon as my feet hit the campus concrete.
If you haven't noticed, I am a worrier, my Dad says it's because I care. I, at times, care too much.
I can sit here and tell you how I know exactly what I'm doing. I have a full proof plan of how to win life, guess what? No one does and if they do, you're being lied to.
That fear leads to wanting to control everything else, like how I spent the last two day before graduating crying over a dorm. I am talking full blown sobbing, it took me a bit to realize it was the stress of everything coming to a head but I was fully ready to thrown in the towel because of a dorm. So stupid.
I have to remember that the color pattern me and my roommate have won't fix the longing of home. The fluffy rug won't magically reveal if I am making the right choices. That super cute, way too expensive wallpaper isn't going to make the weight of that student loan any better, no matter how badly I think it will. The fake potted plants, that I'm obsessed with, won't lessen the large amount of phone calls home I know I will make.
If you by any chance are feeling a lot of these same emotions, you're not alone. It's understandable to be afraid, but remember you are not the only one. Thousands of people every year make this same transition. We have to remember to believe in ourselves. Remember that fear is all in our mind and we are strong enough to fully embrace the change heading our way.
Also super important note: If you have to ask yourself if you really need that many throw pillows on your bed, the answer is most likely, yes. Just kidding, it's definitely a no.
Life is about to change. In a month you will start creating your packing lists, deciding what you want to take with you and what to leave behind. You will plan your last meet up with friends before heading off in different directions, towards different dreams, while filling the air with promises of seeing one another soon.
I. Am. Terrified.
The unknown is dark and vast and I've never been one that's good at change.
We've all made the jokes about the adulting process that is about to begin but now the fun is over and we are signing our loans, picking out dorm stuff, and trying to remain present in the now.
I had a Skype interview this morning about a leadership program at my college. I sat there staring at the group before me, trying to show how ready and capable I am for the next few years. I shared my goals, strengths, personal antidotes and if I'm being honest I was kind of afraid that they'd see the fear that also sits next to those things. How unready I feel, how my accomplishments on paper don't really make me feel ready to do this whole life thing.
I want to achieve monumental things in this life and the thought of not is frightening. I question every choice I'm about to make, I question if I am making the right choice. Is my major what I should be doing? Is that loan going to be the end of me? Will I fail as soon as my feet hit the campus concrete.
If you haven't noticed, I am a worrier, my Dad says it's because I care. I, at times, care too much.
I can sit here and tell you how I know exactly what I'm doing. I have a full proof plan of how to win life, guess what? No one does and if they do, you're being lied to.
That fear leads to wanting to control everything else, like how I spent the last two day before graduating crying over a dorm. I am talking full blown sobbing, it took me a bit to realize it was the stress of everything coming to a head but I was fully ready to thrown in the towel because of a dorm. So stupid.
I have to remember that the color pattern me and my roommate have won't fix the longing of home. The fluffy rug won't magically reveal if I am making the right choices. That super cute, way too expensive wallpaper isn't going to make the weight of that student loan any better, no matter how badly I think it will. The fake potted plants, that I'm obsessed with, won't lessen the large amount of phone calls home I know I will make.
If you by any chance are feeling a lot of these same emotions, you're not alone. It's understandable to be afraid, but remember you are not the only one. Thousands of people every year make this same transition. We have to remember to believe in ourselves. Remember that fear is all in our mind and we are strong enough to fully embrace the change heading our way.
Also super important note: If you have to ask yourself if you really need that many throw pillows on your bed, the answer is most likely, yes. Just kidding, it's definitely a no.
Comments
Post a Comment